Who’s Gonna Do the Dishes?
Welcome back to our account of this week’s listening circle. We say ours because we acknowledge how everyone may remember each session differently, find other points more relevant or may have attributed varying meanings to the words shared in the circle. Every week, when we both try to list our recollection of the session, we encounter these discrepancies.
Perhaps this happens more than we think but we don’t tend to write down a shared reflection of a social event and attempt to agree on what is published. It has been an interesting practice to challenge assumptions, to listen even after the listening exercises have ended and to speak from an awareness that the aspiration for a neutral account of the events is a fallacy.
Likewise, actively listening to everyone’s thoughts to remember them and write them down days later is honouring the individuality of every participant, the value of their contributions and the uniqueness of their experiences. The stories, books and conversations behind each measured contribution is a world of its own beyond what any of us can ever grasp but the connection and understanding across the room is a perfect reminder that a healthy context for communication can and will build bridges between different people.
We decided to format these blog posts into lists so a reader can connect these ideas to their own thoughts as opposed to attempting to explain our own understanding of the ideas shared, misrepresenting what was intended by each of you in the room.
Us, them and ME
Us and them in counter demonstrations, the necessity to be present in the “us” and the desire to outreach to the “them”
Belonging as a need, seeking a group to identity with and belong in yet a reluctance to be swayed into expectations for belonging
Raising a young family, our first “us”. Implementing values challenged and threatened by “them”. Instilling values of anticapitalism simplicity before in a barefoot home versus flashy brand sneakers seducing youth into desires for expensive consumerism.
Finding compassion and understanding in disagreement over a bus journey with a stranger.
Living in an echo chamber of our own making in our chosen community. Are we reinforcing our own beliefs? Are we becoming less capable of speaking the difference? It makes sense to seek comfort but, is it of good democratic health to practice challenging understanding?
Fear of being categorised and expected to share views, opinions and values on everything in any “us”
Stereotypes, assumptions and othering
The privilege or naivety of being an immigrant/foreigner/visitor and not taking part of the covert culturally constructed prejudices of a nation.
Questioning one’s own national identity and pro independence activism with another nation’s nationalism
Divisions within and across borders
Geographical echo chambers: a new phenomenon or a story as old as time?
Conflict of promoting oneness and shared humanity vs engaging with tribal struggles
How much should we let ourselves fall into group dynamics?
Different rules apply when having disagreements with those you live with; arguing is fine, but then who is going to do the dishes?
Being categorised based on a single opinion
The inevitable influence of culture on children
Identity groups as lenses through which we see the world, and the value of playing with those lenses
The nice feeling of being surprised when someone proves your stereotyped judgement wrong.